Rainbow Placebos
by Cardboard Moose
Summary: One hundred Katou drabbles, ten thousand words. A rainbow of placebos, little capsules of memories. Drugs, slash, angst, suicide. Mostly KiraKatou.
1. In An Alleyway

**Title:** In An Alleyway  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Katou, Kira  
**Prompt:** #17 - Brown  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Something shared.  
**Author's Notes:** No warnings on this one, really. I dunno, does this count as fluff? Probably. My god, I haven't written fluff in _years_. There's something wrong with me…

_-----_

_rustle_

Cellophane unfolding, thin cardboard parting.

_shake_

A single, slender cylinder separated from its peers, caught by a graceful hand.

_click_

Flame growing in the darkness, illuminating an angular face and pale hair.

_inhale_

Brown disappearing part way between pale lips, eyes closing for a moment, savouring the first rush.

_exhale_

Reappearing again, making way for the long stream of smoke.

_sigh_

Another hand joining the communion, intercepting the wafer, directing it to another of the flock.

_touch_

Blue eyes darting sideways, meeting amber. Resignation meeting not-quite-indifference.

_smile_

Brown disappearing once more, into different lips. An indirect kiss in silence.


	2. Struggling

**Title:** Struggling  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Kira, Katou  
**Prompt:** #90 – Home  
**Word Count: ** 100  
**Rating: ** PG  
**Summary: ** Katou's struggling, no matter how hard it is  
**Author's Notes: ** References to abuse, mild language, hints of suicidal thoughts. Nothing too bad.

-----

Katou is hurting. It hurts to breathe, to walk, to move, but he does it anyway.

He feels like his entire body is freezing up, the sprawling marks covering his chest and legs and back and arms like a shell, killing his nerves one by one. Maybe he deserves it, maybe he should give up, surrender to the pain and the hate. But still he struggles, forcing his aching limbs to carry him just one block further, just one street, one door, until--

"Katou? You look like shit, man. You want some help?"

And Katou smiles, and knows he's home.


	3. Expectations

**Title:** Expectations  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Katou, Kira, Youji  
**Prompt:** #24 - Family  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** R  
**Summary:** A scene in a bar; Katou, Kira and Youji fulfil expectations, as they have always done.  
**Author's Notes:** Be warned, folks; there's cussing, and drugs abound. For god's sake, it's Katou. What d'you expect?

-----

"Oi, Katou!"

He turns, smiles, walks over. There's a line of white on the table, stark against the dark wood. He knows what is expected of him, and so he rolls, bends, inhales. Pupils widening, room spinning, hand on his shoulder as he steps back.

Warm palm against rough fabric, soft hair brushing his cheek. Callused, fumbling hands clutching his sleeve.

"C'mon, you've had enough. Youji, get the fuck off him, you drunk idiot."

Whining protests, laughter. Strong arm across his back, pulling him away.

"Moron. Don't you ever know when to stop?"

It's all the family he needs, really.


	4. At Rest

**Title:** At Rest  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Kira, Katou  
**Prompt:** #50 – Spade  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Kira fulfils his final duty to his friend.  
**Author's Notes:** Character death (but it's canon, so don't worry). Angst. Blood. Y'know, the usual.

-----

He doesn't look peaceful. He looks blank, or comatose, perhaps. Not peaceful, never peaceful.

_Push,__lever, tilt._

There's blood on his lips. Kira pauses, captivated by the stark contrast; bright scarlet against pale skin. He shakes his head, scowling slightly. This is no time for distraction.

_Lift, carry, drop._

The spade is heavy in his hands, like a scythe, like a sword. He sets it down wordlessly.

_Grip, throw, sigh._

The lighter comes to rest on his chest with a soft _thud_.

"Sorry. A bad place for it, I know."

And he walks away, and feels nothing. Nothing at all.


	5. Overdose

**Title:** Overdose  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Kira, Katou  
**Prompt:** #33 – Too Much  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** R  
**Summary:** Katou makes a mistake.  
**Author's Notes:** Implied character death, drug use, language.

-----

It's in his blood and already he knows it's too much.

He never thought it'd be like this, the ultimate anticlimax. Too clichéd, too pathetic, but that always did sum him up. He feels his pulse slow, breathing shallow, laboured. Textbook symptoms, not that he's ever opened a medical textbook in his life.

There's a hand on his arm but he hardly feels it. A voice, harsh, familiar, _ordering_ him to snap the fuck out of it, wake up, don't do this, don't die, don't be another one.

_Another one of who?_ he thinks drowsily, as the darkness claims him.


	6. Worth It

**Title:** Worth It  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Katou, Kira  
**Prompt:** #12 - Orange  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Summary:** Katou tries, and fails, to draw comparisons, and to comprehend.   
**Author's Notes:** Probably the most G-rated Katou/Kira fic in existence, ever. It's all in the inference, I guess.

-----

Katou never knows what to make of Kira's eyes. They're flat, cold, dead amber, the sort that makes him think of ancient insects in translucent prisons. He'd tried, once, in a brief moment of lucidity (what had brought that on, he never figured out) to compare them to something; early sunset, tainted gold, and then (in desperation) the putrid glass of orange juice on the counter. It hadn't worked.

He never voiced any of this to the owner of those eyes, too afraid of the scorn he'd see in them; even the brief, fleeting attention wouldn't quite be worth it.


	7. Everything

**Title:** Everything  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Katou, Kira  
**Prompt:** #84 - He  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** Kira is, and is not.  
**Author's Notes:** This is a weird one. No real warnings, just a vague aura of…well, weirdness. I have no explanations or excuses, really.

-----

In this moment, Kira is everything.

Air. Light. Warmth. Sustenance, that Katou might live another agonising day.

Touch. Sight. Sound. Sensation, that there is something left of the world, not just the empty, aching void of bitterness that Katou has always feared.

Solace. Comfort. Succour. Redemption, that Katou may know that his sins can be absolved, that he is not damned forever.

Vigilance. Guidance. Truth. Knowledge, that Katou may see the path he treads, and that he will tread, and that he never shall.

But not love, never love. That has never been his to give, or Katou's to receive.


	8. Inevitable

**Title:** Inevitable  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Kira, Katou  
**Prompt:** #07 – Days  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** At long last.  
**Author's Notes:** Character death! And drugs and whatnot. Again. Sorry. I don't like this one much.

-----

Katou has been there for days when Kira finds him. He is cold, and though this is no surprise to the one-who-takes-corpses, he feels himself recoil for the briefest moment at the chill in the limp hand he (without really knowing it) has grasped. There is a pool of vomit by the bed, and the needle still in his arm.

Kira sighs, for (though he could never have wished it), he knows that this was inevitable; and though he would never (could never) admit it, Katou had known what he was doing.

Kira closes empty eyes, and curses the world.


	9. Freefall

**Title:** Freefall  
**Fandom: **Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters: ** Katou  
**Prompt: **#34 – Not Enough  
**Word Count: **100  
**Rating: **PG  
**Summary: **An epiphany.  
**Author's Notes: **There's really not much to this one. Sorry. Trying to get back into the swing of writing again.

-----

There hadn't been much thought behind it, if he was honest. There wasn't much thought behind anything he did, but maybe epiphanies were supposed to be precluded by some sort of soul-searching process. He wouldn't know; he wasn't sure if he even had a soul to begin with.

But, in one of those moments of lucidity which had an annoying way of interrupting his highs, he'd realised that this would never be enough. He was in freefall, watching the world disappear into the sky, flying down to kiss the ground.

Katou shrugged, and set off to find his next hit.


	10. Ritual

**Title: **Ritual  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary  
**Characters:** Kira/Katou  
**Prompt:** #74 – Dark  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Darkness is liberating.  
**Author's Notes:** Implied drug use, wee bit o' slash. Nothing terrible.

-----

It is dark.

Not because they have any sense of the pretentiously gothic – that kind of maudlin posturing never came easy to either of them – but because Katou's coming down off something that turned light to poison, hiding under the bed and whining like a child until Kira closed the curtains.

It is liberating. In the blackness, reality is malleable. So later, when one of them remembers Katou's arms around Kira's waist, Kira's lips on Katou's hair, nothing has to change because nothing really happened.

It is an old ritual, and both need it more than they will ever say.


	11. Trip

**Title: **Trip  
**Fandom:** Angel Sanctuary**  
Characters:** Katou, a little Katou/Youji  
**Prompt:** #43 – Square**  
Word Count:** 100**  
Rating:** PG-13**  
Summary:** Introspection is all very well, but there's drugs to be had.  
**Author's Notes:** Drugs, dub-con slash, abuse, angst, all implied.

-----

Katou's sitting in a corner, contemplating the small, white square in his hand. He's uneasy. It's not like he paid for it; rarely does money pass his hands - a sideways glance at Youji lets him know he'll pay later, in other ways. He hates himself for it, but it's easier than sobriety.

He remembers the last time this happened. The world had collapsed, left him shaking and whimpering, which had led to the door slamming open, which had led to him crawling three blocks to Kira, spitting blood and aching.

Katou shrugs, and raises his hand to his mouth.


End file.
